Start of the last chapter before taking my life back

I am recovering wel from my lymphdrainage. Going to the kinésist and practicing a lot myself to get that arm up again. It is going wel, the only thing is that i have this enoying feeling sometimes in my arm and then i don’t manage to find a comfortabel position, for example if i sleep or when i sit to long in the same position. But i guess this wil become better, my kiné told me their are a lot of nerfs around that place under the arm and they cutted a lot of them during the operation. That is why i still don’t have a lot of feeling on that place.

Anyway i am very happy i don’t have a fat arm for the moment, because that is something i really don’t want.

A few days ago i had one of this moments again. I get this moments mostly on a day that i feel i have energy like before. Than i want to feel totaly ‘normal’ again like before i had cancer. On this moments, i just go somewhere and forget all the things i feel or think or have to be carefull with because of the cancer. This time, i needed to go get some drinks. I wrote to a friend to meet up in the city. When i was waiting for him, someone surprised me being their. It was jolien, my buddy. Another thing that made this evening great. She introduces me to here friends, in that time also my friend arrived and we all got some drinks together. We were laughing about funny moments in the hospital. I had a great evening with all this lovely people. After, when everyone went home because they had to work the day after, i didn’t feel ready to end my evening ‘feeling normal’ already. So on my way home, i stopped in a bar and went drinking another wine at the bar😃. I started talking with someone who was sitting next to me, who was curious what i was doing on my own so late alone at the bar. I am a bad lyer, so i told my cancer story. Where i was busy with the last 9months. I think he didn’t expect a story like that and needed to go smoke a sigaret afterwards😃. The bartender gived me some water, that was the point i realised i better could go home😉.

The day after i felt terrible, with a big hangover, even i didn’t drink that much. But i knew already i would feel like this afterwords. I can not go ‘crazy’ like before anymore, i am still in treatments. Also i already had a lot of medication last months and i don’t have that much weight. I can do things like this and ignoring the cancer, but i need to pay a little price for that. It was totaly wortht it, even i feel physically like this the day after, mentaly i felt great like only me, had control again over my own life for a bit. It was just what i needed on the moment i needed it with the right people, perfect 😁.

The day after i was recovering , i was sitting on a bench in the park with the sun on my face. I was talking with this lady next to me, i told here how i was living the last 2years. She found, i had a ‘strange’ life. I like to hear that😃 i like strange things. She didn’t understand how i was getting around and were i was always sleeping, how i always found this little jobs. When i was telling this, i realised again how much i love my strange life, and that i wil take it back, whatever i have to do for that. Because it was a live, excactly like i wanted to live it. Of course their where also bad moments in it and many obstacles on my way, like a broken boat when going to explore new diving spots before the season starts😃and of course some worser obstacles than that😉, but we just need this moments to keep appriciating the good moments we have.

I have no idea how i will live this life with this new obstacle in it, this cancer. But i will keep living it like i want! And not even this obstacle with change me. I will find a way to combine fighting against it and keep living my live abroad. It will be a strange life again, just like i like it😉. Whenever i die, soon or later, i want to look back at my life and be happy for it, that i decided to live my life like i want it.

I don’t want to stay here in this appartment and whenever i die(because at some point we all do😉), thinking that i wished i past my time in a different way.

I can’t wait to finish radiations and start 2019 😁. This years flew , it is like i was on hold, spending a lot of time in making myself better. Butt also i feel like i invested this year in some beautiful friendships that can never be broken anymore❤️, what was a new experience for me, as i mostly preferred to keep moving to not get to attached.

Yesterday, Thursday jolien went with me to the hospital to get my first radiations. It was the day against cancer, she buyed me this beautiful flowers on here way😍. I have art on my body for this radiations, many lines in ink. from my belly to my neck. I already did preparations for this some days ago, so i was not nervous or i didn’t feel bad going to some treatment again. They put the lines so they can put the radios every time on that exact same place.I think one of the reasons I wasn’t nervous, was that i didn’t toke time to think about it when I was laying in that machine, because Jolien was their. I just wanted to finish this fast so we could talk some more. The radiations i get, are on the places where the cancer was , so on my neck, my breast and under my arm. They told me when i am under the machine it is important i really keep my neck still as they need to put the radiations also their always on the exactly same place. All together it takes only about 30minutes. Another reason why i was not nervous is, after operations and chemo this is something more easy to do for me (that is how i feel about it). The only enoying thing is, that i will need to go 30days in a row without the weekends. But also in this hospital were i do my radiations(it is a different one closer to my home)the nurses are very sweet! Also i have something to look forward to after this.

This Thursday, i will remember as another good day because i enjoyed, we had some funny moments, like always, in the hospital. It was the day against cancer, so it was a good day to say thank you to the cancerorganisation to introduce me to this amazing person!

Also, if the nurses are reading this article, i found this day was also a day to thank you all for treaten me so well during this year, i hope you got my thank you card on the department❤️.

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