I had a lot of anger first because i didn’t want to stay in Belgium. Luckely, because i travelled a lot, i am used to need to change plans a lot.
Also travelling made me relativate a lot and gived me many energy . So all this things will help me going trough this new experience!
I realise i feel very lucky with my trips, things i saw, experience i had, people i met, nobody can take this amazing experiences from me! Even i am sick i have the feeling i am sometimes more happy than people around me, because i learned how to stop sometimes and enjoy or even to look around me when i am busy. Or just feel lucky because i can walk, eat, see, feel,…
I wil feel so happy again to have hair 😉and appreciate it so much.
But that didn’t take away that i had , and still have this moments i feel terrible and very alone. I think about death sometimes. I know we all die but cancer makes you more think about that i guess. I am not scared to die, but i have always fear to mis out on things and i still want to see a lot before i go :).
I can’t describe all feelings anymore i had the last months because so much happend. The feeling of having no answers is the worst. But cancer is for every one who has it different , also doctors don’t know how my body react on things because everyone is different and every tumor is, so we all get a personalised treatment.
I have chemo 1 day a week for 2 weeks and then one week off to give myself some rest. To pass this, travel a little bit inbetween helps me. Because they told me it is good to keep doing what you do to keep yourself mentally healthy and that was what i was doing the last years.
In my week off i travel with friends of go visit friends. But only short and when i come back i need my bed for a few days! 🙂
Trip inbetween to portugal
Trip to Palma
For the moment, i know, thinking about the future doesn’t has a lot of sence so i have no idea whats coming next. But that was a bit how i was living before so it is something i can except more easy. That does not take away i don’t do it because i have a lot of time now.
Sometimes i try to discover how bad my cancer is to know if i will have a short life or not. But at the end we al die soon or later so we always have to live like it’s the last.
The only thing is, i will need to change some things because my happiness was a bit further away and i should maybe appreciate more smaller things than seeing waterfalls, go hike mountains. Even i also did, like sun makes me happy, hangouts with couchsurfing, i love taking breakfast,… i think i can do this better 😉.