Since i can not write anymore about cancer treatment, luckely, i will write a bit about how i experience life after feeling that life could be over very quickely.
For the moment i am feeling physically ok, i am still having 2 kind of hormontreatments to protect me from getting new tumors. One is an injection to keep me in my menopause, the other one are pills. I was having many problems from these pills i took, since last month the doctor gived me other once. I feel much better with this, less problems, except hot flashes. I am still having pain in my neck and shoulders but also this is already much better than before, only in the morning, when I start moving it mostly leaves now. Last month i got cortisoneincetions in my neck and i am doing fysio to try to avoid the havy pain is coming back. I really hope it will not because life can be as beautiful as it is, when you have pain it is hard to enjoy.
Before i got cancer, i was traveling around the world. I was curious, open to learn more about life, and very surprised by all the beauty in the world. I saw amazing places, met amazing people and felt a life.
I left for travelling with already a cyst in my breast, this became cancer during my travells and even already spreaded out to my neck. The cyst was so big in my breast that i needed to show it to my Gynaecolog in Belgium. This i did on my way to Palma, i did my certifications in Afrika to work as a stewardess on the yachts. My plan was to stop in Belgium to see my family, and doctor before i would go work on boats.I never made it, got stuck in Belgium, passed a havy year full with surgerys and treatments. How life can suddenly change, so much! Incredible. I was not sure if i would come out of this anymore, but i did, and it even made me feel more a life than i already felt.
Working on the boats was not an option anymore as i needed to get treatments and follow ups. I never felt bad not have done this. The courses i did in Afrika have givin me new friends, new experiences and were a lot of fun.
Something don’t let me feel good livin in Belgium, maybe it is my past that keeps following me or something so i decided to move to Mexico, to take a more relaxing life there, as i wanted some rest and i didn’t only wanted to go travel anymore . After treatments i went traveling trough Mexico and i loved it. When i was in Belgium for some healthchekes and other things i rented a room in an airbnb, that was my boyfriend his house.
I felt in love, totally, me, the person who wanted to be alone for always. I never went back to Mexico and started a new dream with the men of my life, in Andalusia. Life is changing, the whole time, so i learned to stop waisting my time in making to much plans. You can’t controle life, we can go in some direction, making some ideas in some direction. But really make a fixed plan, full with details, i think it is impossible.
I am a dreamer, i always was, but also i am very impulsive and jump in new adventures, full of excitement. I feel lucky i am like this because dreaming and following this dreams are making me feel alive. sometimes things are coming inbetween so you have to change your dream or adapt it. I have so many ideas in my dreamy world that if i have to change i don’t get upset, than i just create new ideas in that new change,new direction. Be able to live like this is really a gift, it makes life more easy and beautiful i think. I think being positive is also somethinni am and where i feel very lucky with. this and also not being afraid of change. Traveling helped me a lot stopping of being afraid of change.
We will try to open a bnb here. No idea how this will work out. But i believe it will be another amazing experience. I always told people in my travel that after traveling my dream would be to open something like a hostel or bnb. Meeting people, spoiling them, without i have to move anymore. So here we are. I just follow life and now so many years later my dream will come true that i had that time.
You could think, her life is going so smooth and easy like she just has to follow without stress or fear. But i was open for change and new things , i tried to not be afraid from the unknown, maybe my curiously helped me a little to. I went traveling everywhere, alone, i was nervous and i had some fear but i did it and after a few days already the fear left, it was one of the best decisions in my life. I discovered the world is not that big and scary like they let us believe sometimes.
I lost my mother, fight against anorexia and a bit later against cancer, so my life was not always that smooth and easy. But it is all the way you look at it. I learned a lot of all this things. They teached me to be independent, patient, live in the moment. They teached me a lot about myself. They made me stop rushing to the end. They made me go slower, much slower and teached me to look around me.
I am writing here, sitting on my terrace, listening to the birds. I have the sea right in front of me, flowers with beautiful colours, oranges hanging in the tree. I think about al i have, my family, my new lovely family, new friends here, that i am still here and get the chance to go hiking in nature. I feel so grateful that ididn’t had to go yet that time i got sick, that i got more time to make new memories. But one thing i know, i will not rush and i will never let my fears controlling my life because it can be over just like that and at the end i want to smile and think back about all this memories.
I was reading this book, were they told you: if you would be in a big building full with
movietheaters, and you wild go sit in the movie that calls your life: you would see everyone from out of your movie , your life, your mother, father,..
After if you would go sit in the next movietheater and there the movie they turn would be the movie of your mother her life. You would see yourself trough her eyes, and also her life, her movie. Everything would look different maybe more scary, or more happy. You would think, hej that is not me, in her movie, because we all see things different, we see eachother different. We all are living our own life and we look at it like we decide to look at it. It don’t make sense to try to look in some way for someone because they will never see you like you want to be seen. Because you have your movie they have theirs. So good news, you can use that energy for something else and stay how you are😁, you can look at your movie how younwant, you can make it a horror or a fairytale. I know what mine is 😍.