Struggled a bit

In this article i want to write about my hormontherapy. This is a therapy that I take because the cancer i have is hormonsensitive. Infact i get 2 kind of (anti)hormontherapy, one therapy is an injection i get every month( zoladex) and the other are pills i have to take every day (femara). The injection keeps me in menopause. Both therapys are helping to stop getting some hormons because hormons could be like new food for a tumor. I take the therapys already a bit now, i think 2 years but i could be wrong. I am very good in ignoring feelings in my body.

I felt already some things before but never like i do now. I feel so much for the moment. I don’t say that all is related to this therapy but i am sure some feelings i have are. The worst thing i feel is the pain in my neck, head and shoulders, also tension in my head that gives my headach and makes me feel nautious because of the neckproblems. I had it already before but it left again. Now it is back already more than a month, i trie to not take painkillers everyday but without it feels very paintfull to me, so i can’t without them. The worst is when i wake up. It is something enoying and i get tired of having pain. It is on my muscles but also i feel pain on bones, like my shoulderblades.

Sometimes my fingers are feeling strange, my knees, feets and arms also. I can’t discribe if it is pain or stifness or something inbetween.

I didn’t talk about my moodswings yet. I can have this days i want to cry, just cry for nothing. Than i feel like i want to be alone because i can’t feel happy and just want to do something distractive like making bracellets or paint.

When i go walking, sometimes my hips are hurting after a while. I hate this and on moments i feel it it is very hard to listen to my body, mostly i continue and try to ignore the feeling. I know that sounds wrong, but i love hikking and i can’t sit still the whole time.

Ow yes and being in the menopauze , i will not start about the problems i sometimes get because of this. Sometimes i am so done with all of this and feel like i just want to be back like before. I go back to Belgium now because i have to pass my scan soon. I will also see my oncologe and talk about all of this.

The part i write from here is already when i am back in Spain And is more positive 😁,

I went to Belgium, past my PETscan. Everything was good, nothing bad to see. I discussed with my oncologue the problems i had because of my medication. She told me to take this other pill, Tamoxifen. This one should not have side effects like infections and pain, it can only give hotflashes but that should be it, i already have them from my injection and i can perfectly live with that. I was happy to hear this. The pill i took before was the most protecticve one for the cancer i have but this one should be also be effective. The injections, she recommand to continue because the 2 together, pills and injection, are like a dubbel protection. Whenever the problems i get because of the injection are getting to much for me to feel good, i should stop this. Let’s see, i will try now the new pill in combination with the injections.

My arm after trying 4 times to get some blood 🙄

She also sended me to the section fysiotherapy In hospital for my neckproblems. The fysiotherapist told me the problems are coming from the place in my neck were they removed the tumor and putted some iron thing instead. He wanted to be sure there would be no other reason for this and i had to take a mr scan first, after he got the results and saw there is nothing else to see, like new metastases, he gived me an infiltration in my neck with cortisone. I am not to much fan of this medicin but this time i just wanted the pain to be gone. I have to admit my neck feels so much better now! I woke up this morning realising i didn’t had any pain, this was long time ago i woke up, feeling like this. I felt so happy.

I was driving this morning on my way to go hikking. I am always so excited to go hikking with this great group of nice people. This, together with the feeling to have no pain, and the toughts that my boyfriend and i are working on our dreamlive together here was giving me this amazing feeling inside, a feeling of hapiness. I love this little moments i have sometimes. The last months, even i maybe kept smilling (like i always do) it was harder to enjoy this feeling because i realy was struggling a bit physically but now i can enjoy this feeling again untill the fullest.

We went trying out a new bridge today In the hikke, they recently build it

I don’t like to go back to Belgium to do this hospitalthings but when i am there and i have my love by my side, he still can give me this moments inbetween that i can forget everything around us and just enjoy being ‘us’😁doing things we also can’t do in Spain like sitting in his amazing bath😁 or spending time with his daughters, that are as sweet as he is 💓
Also when i get nervous before doing my scans i always start coocking and baking a lot
Little breads

so luckely i had public in the house in Belgium to eat the things i baked😁

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