Keeping ourself busy at home

It’s a few weeks now i am having lymfodeem in my arm. It is just a little so my arm is not that much bigger,swollen,just a little around my wrist. Lymfodeem is something you can get when they remove the lymfnodes under your arm. I needed to remove them because they were affected because of the breastcancer i have. This is also a way the breastcancer try to go to other places. But when you don’t have nodes anymore the bodywater can get stuck in your arm. This can happen because of different reasons. The heat, infections, … that is lymphodeem. I tried to find help for this in Spain but it was a little complicated. Than the corona break out and my boyfriend was still in Belgium. We were calling and thinking if i would go to Belgium or he would come to Spain. But only for a week because the next week i had to be in the hospital in Belgium for my 3 monthly control. When we heard the airplanes would stop flying we decided i should take a plane as fast as i could to get in Belgium. We didn’t had to think about the different options anymore. One day before the lockdown i made it in Belgium.

We went to a doctor to show my arm, she told me she likes to take a picture of my wrest to see if it is only the lymfodeem that hurts. Also i told here about neckpain i have already for a while. She also letted taking a picture of that. When we went home and waited the doctor to call us for the results, she letted us know that my wrest will be the lymfodeem and nothing more, so that i could use some special treatment, lymfodrainage to help me with that and that I should buy a sock to put over my arm to go on the airplane or when i wash the windows, or to wear just whenever i feel like if it feels better to get some pressure on my arm. Also some kind of 🧤glove they will make for me to wear ,if i have some bad feelings in my hand. Another thing i will need to pay more attention at from now one. It is sometimes enoying to sleep as i can not lay on that arm anymore.

For the picture in my neck she told us she contacted my oncologe , and my oncologe made an appointment to make another PET scan in hospital, this is a scan wherefore they give some radioactive liquide first. I already got this one 3 months ago so i don’t understand why i need to get it again… the doctor told me there is something lighting up on the picture they took the first time but they can’t say what it is, so that is why they gived me the PET scan, a year ago they removed a tumor around that area where something is lighting up now in the scan, so i think they just want to check if all is still ok and have a better view? , This PET scan is more clear. Also the controll i normally would have 3 monthly with my oncologe was already cancelled in this time because of the corona. But because i got the PETscan last friday, i need to see my oncologe anyway on Monday to get the results. So i have to admit that this weekend i am feeling a bit nerveus because i have no idea what i have to expect of this. Why i need to see here now?Why i needed to get this scan again, to make sure everything is ok??because there is something unusual?? I didn’t hear my oncologist yet so i have no idea. Probably this will just be something again to make sure everything is ok but you never know… i already got some surprises in my body the last years…so i think it is normal i get suspicious.

I feel grateful i am locked up in this times together with my boyfriend. it is new to be so much together so close for such a long time but i think we are doing this very good. I also still love him as much as the day i felt in love.

We keeping ourself busy having fun times together and also giving space to eachother. We are having deep conversations but also having funny moments, not different than we did before.. only with some less freedom to move wherever we want. He also is nervous for Monday, i see now that having cancer is something you never have alone but also the people who love you ,are feeling this. I think it is a nice feeling to not be alone in this but on the other side i also don’t want nobody else i love to have bad feelings because of this.

In our deep conversations sometimes we talk about how it would be if i would get a tumor again. I am tired of fighting against all of this and having always problems because of the chemo so i always say i would not be ready to have it again. But i also know that whatever would come , i love my life to much so probably i would change and decided to fight again. But this is not happening now and just thought I get because of memories when i need to go to the hospital. Sometimes we also just talk about the world and the universe and happiness and many other things don’t always have answers for but just each our own point of view. I love this kind of talks😁.

On the moments i need time for myself i go biking, do yoga our try to paint a little…

ow yes and i forgot the cooking, i guess many people put time in this now we are locked up. We are experimenting with alcohol these days putting many things on fire , pancakes , apples, sauce 😃.. practicing some breakfast receipts for our future bed and breakfast in Spain. I also miss our home already a lot in Spain, the seaview, sun, the swimmingpool that is just filled up, the mountains…