I found a doctor in Mazunte to put me my 4 weekly hormoninjection. It was a new experience to me, going for this to a doctor in a small wooden cabin, a number on the wall:’call me if you need me’. And a doctor arriving in his swimmingoutfit. New experience, but he did it well, also the second shot i still needed. So i am good for a while again.

Now i am in Puerto Escondido. First i stayed with a woman that is very religieus. In the evenings we talked about sickness and believing, religions. Also people here seems to be very connected with nature and appreciate it a lot. I like it. She plants many trees in her garden and takes really good care of them. She explained me how she followed some courses to learn how our soul and body is connected. That if you feel somewhere not totaly good with something or you keep to much emotions inside, you are more sensitive to get easily sick. I believe in this, that if something is blocked inside,mentally, everything in the body is flowing less good and you are more weak also physical. I think that is why we have acupuncture and things like that, i think they work in this places were something is blocked and a lot of time it is for example because of stress. Stress is not a part of the body neither, and it can make us sick. So i found the conversations very interesting. I explained here i lost my mother when i was 8, she told me the breast is the connection between child and mother. And some other things she learned and believes. Also i explained here i am not so good in letting bad feelings in, and cry. Maybe i hold a lot of things inside in the past and that is what made me also more weak. Of course some other things will be also involved in getting cancer. But i am open to listen to everybody his way of thinking and i don’t know what is true and what not, also i don’t want to think about that but i believe in everyones way of thinking there is trued.

Even it has nothing to do with my cancer. This woman remembered me how important it is to talk about emotions in life and to show them, also the sad or bad ones. We need this ones to feel the good ones.

I already moved to an other place this week. Another Air bnb, because the woman was nice but the house was a bit chaotic, because she also works a lot as a dentist next to taking care of the house, i felt like i wanted to clean and help so it is beter for me to leave because i came to relax :). Sometimes i had to clean, for example there dishes because i didn’t had space to clean mine anymore.

I don’t really understand why i am still so tired! I keep having this allergie, that makes me feel very itchy without this pills. But the pills making you also more tired. So i decided to stop taking them a bit, but the tiredness stays and the itchy feeling came back so i take them again. I didn’t had this allergie before, and i don’t know when i will stop so i can stop this pills. Maybe in different place with different climate , where i will go later.

I am tired but i still want to meet people to so i did a hang out one of this days, the guy was very friendly, travelling already longtime and works online. We shared some stories and enjoyed a meal and the beach. But again at some point i was so tired again i wanted to go to my room and be alone because when i am with people i talk so much :).

The day after that i just walked a but and tried to relax. I felt ready to go on some trip the day after that, also because mostly when i visit things i get energy again. I was thinking that maybe i am tired because i don’t see new things or i don’t visit places and from being lazy you feel lazy :). But i went on this trip yesterday to a local village. I loved it. I went with a men from the village , he explained how woming making tortillas and cheese there and he and his family took another Mexican couple and me to some hotsprings and river in a beautiful place where there is nobody.

Normally i don’t ride the horse but i felt i was to tired to walk more than one hour in the sun so i tried for the first time. I always felt bad for the animal and also i am a bit scared to do this. Nice experience, crossing rivers and going op mountains, amazing what this horses are capabel off! They go trough everything. But it also makes me feel a bit bad that they have to do all of this for me :). The guy explaind that they don’t use cars but horses and i was thinking that on another side this is also a good thing for the environment. Anyway i am happy he took us to this place, beautiful! Everywhere birds, green, hot watersprings from a vulcano and fruittrees. The village also was so peacefull and peolple so nice. The family cooked a ‘molle’ for us with chikken. It is a typical dish from here, some sauce where there is even chocolate in. I loved it.but again on the way back from the springs, i was on the horse and i got so tired. I wanted to go home and sleep but i also still wanted to enjoy the way back on the horse and the beautiful landscape. It is harder when you feel like that, to enjoy things. After the lunch we went back to Puerto Escondido, where i stay. I went to my room, ko and also i got this big headach.

Another feeling i got was pain in some vains in my arm like a mosquito was bitting in them the whole time but it wasn’t like that. I don’t know what this feeling was. Sometimes i have this strange feelings in my body, i guess the human body is just a strange thing i will never totaly understand.

I will try to accept i am tired and relax the coming days, even i already did this before yesterday i think.

the allergy on my skin also don’t leave, if i try to sleep without taken the medicine in the evening, i wake up in the night because i am to itchy and i take them anyway.

I stay in a hostel now, yesterday i spoke with this guy, who seems to be an artist. He was a bit chaotic to me and spoke about many different things trough each other. One thing he made me realize again, he sayed why you keep focust on having cancer, because it is like i link everythin i have or do now on that. And i think i should change this or maybe it is my way to processing and i just need some more time.