I did it again. I used all my energy the last month and for the moment i feel tired. When i wake up today my body just hurted. I planned to go running but i gived myself rest and just went for a little bikeride instead. I know that this is a sign, because i recognize this feeling from before.
The work the hostel gived me is not hard, but I recognize again my perfectionisme and i am always seeing more little things i can do in the hostel. So at the end i am using more energy than i have to. I like to take care of the place like it is mine and in my house i was a bit extreme in being clean. So another challenge for myself is to let things be, and only do what i have to do and maybe just some little extras more but don’t exaggerate. That is why i am looking what i can do in my free time, witch relaxing things. I had the same problem in Belgium, that i didn’t find what i like to do next to working or hanging out with people.
It is very hard for me to find things to do that aren’t asking a lot of energy. Next to the work in the hostel, i try to take it easy, but i always want to do useful things so for the moment in my free time i am making a list for the hostel with information about La Paz. Also i went to the cinema again to keep myself calm. It is so cheap here! This time we payed studentprice, 35 pesos, that is like 1 euro 60 or something. I have some other ideas i can do, like making dreamcatchers, i met some guys at the Malecón that are selling bracelets and they told me they could teach me if i have the material.
The hostel will not have to much staff the next coming weeks so i already offered my help, to do more hours than they gived me 😃. But i was thinking if i work at the reception of the hostel, i will also sit still and i can still try to make dreamcatchers or start reading or do other ‘calm’ things. But they don’t want to let me do more work because they want me to also enjoy. I really need to do some calm things because i know it is not good to keep fighting against this tiredness i have and that feeling in my body. Normaly i run every 2 days but now i give it a break.!And learn that it is ok to be tired and do less active things. It is the good moment now to experiment, now i stay here until end may. I am here already a few weeks and i was never bored, i always find things to do, like i always find everywhere, always active things. Now i wi look for more relaxing things.
I feel still happy to be here and i feel really home. The owners from the hostel are so lovely, i first helped a week in one of the hostels were there parents live. (They have 2 hostels, one only with voluntareers living and one hostel witht also private rooms were they also live thimself). I helped there together with one other guy. I already had some good conversations with this people. Now after my first week i move to the other one were only volunteers staying, and where they are more dormitorys and no private rooms. Also the other volunteers are supersweet so i will have a good time there to. Yesterday we watch another beautiful sunset together.
Also last Saturday before having a nice lunch, we had to do a big cleaning of one of the two hostels all together. I was already tired that time, but to be honest while working I didn’t feel this and i even had fun. but that is sometimes my problem, i ignore the feeling of being tired and while being busy it is easy to do that. But now, since the chemotherapy i know i can’t ignore or i will really regret at some point because mu body really hurt sometimes, so after the cleaning i toke it easy. At least one day 😃.
Also all other people in this town are sweet. I was drinking a coffee at the Malecón one morning and met this men with his cute dogs. haha i wanted to have a pic of the pup but he also liked to be in it 😃.
Before i loved traveling and moving a lot, from one place to another. But this kind of traveling, staying in a place and making it ‘home’ for a bit is also very nice! This is something i can experience thanks to that cancer. If i didn’t get this, i would be still very busy probably moving. But now i feel i have to take it more easy and i can’t move like before because i don’t have energy, and i have to do it different. So i discover this new way of travelling and living and i love it.
i have my friends here, i start getting to know the neighborhood, i even get more routine without getting scared of it. Another thing why i always moved was because i was scared to get attached to much to people. So when i got that feeling in the past, i always found an excuse to leave a place. Like i already sayed before meeting my friend, Jolien in Belgium helped me going against this fear. We met and i couldn’t run away as i had treatments. And now it looks like i am ok with this, i even like to get this kind of friendships. When i arrived here in La Paz i felt immediately home, not only because i liked the place, also because the people working on that moment in the hostel made me feel good. Now i am working here together with my new partner in crime, another lovely girl, Imelda.
The two people, Shandy and Guillermo, that where part of the reason why i wanted to stay, when i just arrived, left yesterday. It was time for them to move on.
Luckily the new girl is super sweet and the staff from the day also, like the girl in orange on my pick, Anna, to. But still.. i had to say goodbye and before i couldn’t deal with this feeling. Now i accepted more that this is life, and that this feeling, the sad feeling is ok for a little, also i even don’t really have it i can only think about the great moments i had with this people.
A few days later now, yesterday i went to the Malécon were a guy teached me how to make my dreamcatchers, he sells art on the street to. I will go there from time to time to keep making them,’while the guys are playing chest. It is very relaxing i am busy making this dreamcatchers, they play, and it is quiet. It feels like some meditation to me i am focused, but also at the same time with people.
In the evening i watched a movie with Imelda. We made bruschettas and drunk a bottle of wine. i think this was my calmest day so far being here😃. But i still feel i need more days like that, i feel i keep pushing myself but i am so tired.
Another thing we did these days was going to the beach with another guest that stays in the hostel, so i am doing well with relaxing 😁. I hope i get more energy again soon to go travel next month with Jolien. But i am sure i will have. Because if i am busy traveling i don’t feel tiredness, it is when i take a stop like here, and i relax, than i start feeling it. So i know i will need to do this sometimes, so i can recover a bit.
For the rest i don’t have any problems with my body or some feelings i need to pay attention to 👍.