Feeling alive

A little update as i didn’t write for a bit but infact i have so much to share. Since i arrived in Ecuador i kept meeting so much interessting people again.

Also i keep getting advice and tips about natural medicin. I realised i was never open for this or interested in this because during treatments i didn’t want to spend my free time being busy with cancer. But now i finished most treatments and i decided to not continue one of them, i think i have nothing to lose with listening and maybe try some other things and pay some more attention on food that helps against cancer. Every little extra can only help and not make it wors i think. So i will take any offer that comes on my way and listen to all advices, even i will maybe sometimes be to lazy to follow it 😬😃.

Also all the hikking i am doing for the moment, feels like it is helping me a lot. I have almost all the feeling in my arm back. ( i lost this after removing my lymphnodes). Also i feel less tired. I think nature also gives me a lot of energy, they have vulcanos here, a lot of green, waterfalls, beach,… This country is small but has so much to offer. In general just doing what i want makes me happy and feels so good. I have to admit, in the beginning i didn’t write because i was busy again. Travelling, meeting people, hikking,…

But now i take time to write, i realise i can slow down again, i don’t have to run. I have time, i don’t have to be scared i don’t have time enough. When i am running i forget to enjoy. I forget that we don’t have to run to the end of our lifes it is already passing so fast so we can also walk to it so we have more time to look around us 😊. I learned in driving with the car, that i can’t do both at the same time, driving fast and looking, than i am a danger on the way 😉.

also i realised i was following the same road again like the people i meet on the way. So i am starting more to look what i want to see on my way it doesn’t mater if i will meet more or less people in this places. It is not only about meeting only travellers but also people in the places, or maybe just sometimes ending up alone and take time for me. It is easy to follow but i experienced to see great things sometimes to when i choose to go a different way. Because we all have our own things we want to see or experience.

Sometimes i feel things in my body, then i try to not ignore anymore i feel it like in the past. Telling this to somebody helps me to not ignoring it. Than i pay attention, if the feelings are staying or leaving again. They always leave so i doing fine i guess 😊. Only some little wounds sometimes in my mound because i need more vitamine maybe? I have this a lot since chemo, i take some extra’s. Also , for the moment i sometimes wake up and need some hours to see well, like this morning we went on a free walking tour and it took me untill the end of the tour, like 2h before i could see very well. Maybe it is because i sleep with this mask so i will try once to sleep without and see. Or maybe this is because of the past treatments, i will just pay attention on it from now because i have it sometimes in the morning. Than i don’t want to pay to much attention because it is a bit scary, not seeing to well anymore. But it always comes back. For the rest i don’t have things to complain about for the moment in my body, sometimes a little pain in my neck, but i have this already from after the surgery.

Now i am in a nice town with this girls i met on the way. They are so sweet and i feel like they are also so positive girls. I have a great time, even it is raining during the day.

People in this country are also amazing. I just went buying some food i the same little restaurant as i did yesterdayevening. Because i just went 2 times already, the guys here treat me like i am family 😍.

I just think back now also about this moment i was hikking with this guys. We started hikking up a hill, not knowing what we started. After a while we realised the hikke was more challenging then we were thinking. Pretty steep. ( i have to admit the woman from the hostal warned us to take another road😃). I was thinking for a very short moment somewhere halfway, if something would happen on my way it would be a problem as there was no road for cars or something. And after passing this year with treatments i am still discovering again how far i can go. I only was thinking about this very short, and i did great. It was a bit hard, but for all of us and i felt great when we arrived on the top. I know that if i would be scared and never try i would be still where i was last year. Things like this helping me to give more confidence again and making me stronger again. Mental and physically.

I realise also more and more how lucky i am to see the world so nice and beautiful. It makes my life so much more easy. And it helped me passing all this hard things in the past. I realise life can be as beautiful or hard as you want to make it. For a part it depend on how you live it and look at it. If you see life like a mission we have to compleet and others like competitors, than it can become pretty hard. If you see it as something we have to live and others as people who help to make understand how we have to do that, or how we want to do that, than life can be very exciting 😁.

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