Many โ€˜see you soonโ€™sโ€™ ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Last week Wednesday i got back in Belgium. Jolien was not home but she managed to make me feel welcome anyway ๐Ÿ˜On Thursdaymorning i needed to be in the dayhospital again. They did a check for my haert, i needed this every 3 months during the immunotherapie. I got the immunotherapie one last time before leaving next Thursday. Also it was time to get my 4 weekly injection from the hormontherapy to keep me in menopause so the doctor gived me this.

Normaly when they give me this injection in my belly, i feel it but this time i didn’t feel anything. Also the premedication that they give trough an injections in my but normally burns but this time it didn’t ๐Ÿค”, maybe i got used to all of this.

After these premedication that makes me a bit tired, i was ready to sleep. Maybe i felt already like that before as i just arrived in Belgium the night before, a bit sleepy. Than i got the perjeta and herceptine, the products from the immunotherapy. It takes a few hours untill everything is finished. Around 14h i left the hospital.

The doctor gived me prescriptions to buy my injections and pills for the whole year to take with me abroad. It was one of the other doctors, not my oncologist, she was not working that day, so i did not had the chance to say ‘thank you for everything’ to her. I got spoiled again by the sweet nurses and got some chocolate while i was laying in the bed. When i left, it felt a bit strange to say goodbye to the nurses. I was their so many times the past year and they were so good with me. I will miss them ๐Ÿ˜Š..

Like i wil miss all these people that i went saying ‘goodbye’ the past week. To start with a very sweet friend who came pick me up from the hospital that Thursday and became a real good friend the past year.

I was not borred my last days in Belgium. Going to pick up my pasport that was almost full again, new creditcard…many other little things inbetween the many meetups i had with family and friends.

Great new memorys i will take with me, these hangouts i had the past days with all this amazing people i wanted to see before i go.

This people i met up with these last days are not just people to hang out with to spend my time. I think this people are the people that are in my life until the end. People that helped me passing that last hard year. A piece of my old en new family๐Ÿ˜. I am very grateful for having them. This also count for family i didn’t had the chance anymore to catch up with โค๏ธ.

I notice, i gived many explanations these days. Why i quiet this therapy and why i am leaving.

I can imagine it is hard for some people to understand this. Why i quiet something that could give me more safety, that maybe can give me a longer life. That helps protecting me from cancer. But like i already told, i want to live again like i did before. I can’t adapt on all this things i don’t want: staying, getting treatment, feeling like a sick person… I don’t want to only stay safe untill i die, i want to live my life untill i wil die. And than, whenever it will happen, i want to be grateful that i lived my life. And of course in meanwhile, during my life i will try to stay safe also ๐Ÿ˜‰ and take care of me. I believe in life, as long as things are possible to do for you, you have the choice to do them, don’t let fear be in your way.

Especially people who don’t go travell to often have it harder to understand i think, what i decided, because it is not only for the landscapes and the sun but also for the people and the feeling i have their, lifestyle, abroad. Like i can be totaly myself and live life the way i want it. I feel me again and i have energy. Just amazing. It is a choice i made. Also i told that i am not just leaving and forgeting about my cancer.

I will do this checks now and than and also let them take blood. I will try to listen more to my body and not ignoring signs. This is not easy to me, as i do this unconscious. I can ignore things i feel so hard, be busy ,that i would forget about them. But i promised myself to be aware of this and react faster if i have or feel something. And i will, because i want to take care of myself. I will try to have a healty happy lifestyle, sounds to me already like a great medicin.

For the hormontherapy, my luggage is pakt with injections and pills for a year ๐Ÿ˜ƒ. Somebody will need to put my injection every 4 week, that will be sometimes just a bit more complicated maybe to find someone, but i will.

I will not write about my plan, because honestly, i don’t have one. I don’t know if i am in Ecuador what will happen, or after. I toke the boatcertifications with me and we will see what happens.

Sundaymorning i woke up very early, around 5. With all this timechanges and different lifestyles i don’t have routine, also not in sleeping or waking up. I heard cars and was laying in my bed. When i travel, i love to wake up early. In most places in nature, people wake up when it is light and are outside. I felt like i needed to go outside, i toke on some clothes and i did. It feels great to not always think to much about things but sometimes just do them ๐Ÿ˜. the only difference here is that is was harder to find some nature and it was cold and stil dark. Also nobody was outside ๐Ÿ˜ƒ. Luckey i just had a car that day for one day. I went for a little run. My first run again in long time. In the beginning it hurted but after a bit it started feeling great, i was smiling, so happy that i can run again, this with the birds that i heard and also on that moment their was just no rain for an hour or two so i was lucky again (maybe not to much haha).

I have to be honest it feels great to go do what i want, to go live my life like i like it. Only this gives me already so much energy again, doing the things i like. But when i tell this to people, that i quiet this treatment and leave, it is like i am feeling always i bit shy about my choices, i guess that is because it is a bit a different lifestyle i am chosing for than most, i don’t choose for what they adviced me and also a bit because of the social pressure that we have in life.

Because i don’t do ‘what i suposed to do’ . ‘ what many others would do’ so it sounds a bit strange. But i learned in life that i shouldn’t feel like this, because different things are nice things and i like to be strange ๐Ÿ˜.

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