Breathing again

For the moment i am in Mexico, it is almost a week now, time flies when you travell. The flight went well, maybe i just got some pain in my arm but then i moved my arm a bit and it was ok again. I was sitting next to this 2 lovely woman in the airplane. Both were working in the social sector and needed some time for themself. One even had 2 jobs to take care of here children. It made me realise again how we all get pushed a bit sometimes in a certain direction, not only me with the cancer, but everyone in his own life, that we always have this things that we don’t have to choose. So also it made me realise that i am lucky with the way how i deal with life , because even things you don’t decide or have control over yourself, you can always decide how to deal with it.

Arriving in Mexico, i took immediately a bus to Playa Del Carmen. I needed my first nights alone so i found a cheap air bnb. When i arrived it was dark and it is a regular house, me without internet, so no contact with the woman, it took me a bit to find it but after asking around i finally did.

In Playa i met a men from Washington on the beach, we started talking, i told him about the past year having treatments and my travells before. He sayed that he wanted to talk more because he found it interesting and invited me for a dinner. During the day i asked him if he had a wife and he told me she passed away. During the dinner i asked him how this happend. He told me he didn’t want to tell me this at the beach unless i would have asked, because he didn’t know how i would feel hearing this, but she died from breastcancer. That moment when he told me this, i got a strange feeling. What a considence. I wanted to be carefull to not ask to much because i wasn’t sure he was ok with that but i noticed he was the same, also carefull , he didn’t want to tell me to much unless i asked. Interessting evening, and a very friendly men, also we talked a lot about our travells. Another funny thing was that in the whole playa we didn’t know but our air bnb’s were right next to eachother. He stays with Belgian people and gived me their number because he told me they can help me with finding a doctor to put my injection in a week. I have this injection with me that somebody will need to give me

that needle 😬

So i will travell more but at the end before flying back i will go back to Playa to go to this doctor for this. Amazing how i just met this men again and he gived me this number and everything works already out from day one. Always when i travell, i never have to look for solutions, everything comes on my way. Lucky me!

That time i already had my cold. Not to bad but it started. Now we are Sunday again, this week i did many things, went to Tulum, , visit things with a bike. But because i am having a bad cold, my ears hurting and i don’ t have my voice anymore, i am limited in doing things. I think without the cancer i would have this cold to but it would be already gonne again. Now it is taking forever to heal. I still don’t have my voice totaly back. And i can’t talk to good sometimes, terrible when you stay in hostels πŸ˜‰. I also couldn’t dive yet because of this. And when i went to the cenotes i didn’t swim to much in them because it is cold and this is not helping me to heal. The biking neather i think but i can’t sit still. I went to a pharmacy were they gived me some natural vitamines. I think i need something stronger or maybe just some more time. I toke so many medicine from home but of course nothing against a troat infection πŸ˜‰. Well, later i have a 8 h busride so than i will need to sit still πŸ˜ƒ. I only hope the aircon will be not to high because my troats is really hurting . I love Mexico it is beautiful but this is standing a bit in my way and give me some limitations to do things untill the fullest. Also i have again many little wounds in my mound. This is something that i get also often because of the low immunesystem. But little things that i don’t worry to much about.

I see from myself now during this travel what this cancer did to me. How i am not always ok with myself. I feel not so good with my shorter hair because i still wish to have it already longer, it sounds maybe stupid complaining about that but i just don’t like the haircut with me. I guess i need some time to except that.And i am very busy again. Visiting, doing research where to go next,… I am not yet relaxing to much i need some time to come in this travellmodus again after the last year. But now i have time to start getting to know myself again and accepting the whole me 😁.

But it will be a bit hard because always when i will get in it i will need to fly to Belgium and i will always need to think where to go next. Normally in travelmodus i don’t do this πŸ˜‰. All because of this therapy that i don’t want anymore. Also I can’t travell to slow if i want to see some things because i don’t have time for that , Mexico is so big, and i have a flight to catch. I realised i want to be busy also planning a bit because i am doing this therapy i don’t want to do. So it is something i can’t accept or being ok with. And it is hard to sit still and not think about that. But the longer i am here the more i start living again in the moment.

But i feel it is holding me back from travelling like before. I need to plan where to go next and how many days to stay their because i have a flight to catch and that takes my time to live in the momentπŸ˜‰. Normally i see how i feel like. I even already have to think where i will fly after the therapy. To much things to think about πŸ˜‰.

I know i shouldn’t complain because i can think about it in amazing places! Now i am in Bacalar, their is this woman staying in my dorm. She is 50 but looks like 38. She always smilles and is positive. I notice during travelling how positive people always look younger. Also the men i met before! She told me during dinner yesterday, that she is writing a thesis about ‘how brothers and sisters of somebody with an eatingdisorder react on this’. Also a considence i met this woman again. This is the nice thing about travelling you have a lot of chance to meet interessting people because you meet so many.

Today i missed my bus from 8h to go to Palenque. I have to take the next one in the evening. So i spended one more day at the lake. I think it was a good thing, also it means i start living even more in the moment again πŸ˜‰. The only bad thinn is that their was only one seat availeble anymore on that bus under the aircon, what will be not to good for my cold. But i will go prepared πŸ˜‰. Another day at the lake with nothing to do, made me realise how lucky i am to be at this lake with the blue water. Birds all around in the morning and the sun coming up just in front of the hostel. Walking around in my flipflops and bikini a whole day. Amazing. n

I talked a bit with the girl who owns the hostal, she told me that she worked for a busy company before , she liked to be busy but decided to quiet this job to start this hostal with her boyfriend . She lived a bit in Canada also but told me how happy she is in mexico with all here friends here that are like family. The different lifestyle. It made me think about my dream to have something like that in a place like this later when i found the place and the moment.

I hade time today to decide after going to Belgium for my therapy that i will come back to here, to Guatamala after. I feel bad to fly for 5 days and just fly back, bad for the envirement! But for the moment that is my only option. I just love the lifestyle here so much!

Also i feel happy and good here so that is already reason enough to come back i guess πŸ˜‰.

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