So every 3 weeks i keep having this immunotherapie. Yesterday it was time again. Jolien picked me up in the morning, it is getting so hard for me to be ready on time in the morning because it is the only time in 3 weeks i need to get out of bed on time for something.😃 it is just hard to go out of bed!😃So i never realy have a feeling to rush anymore and i mostly take my time to do things. So of course we arrived maybe a little late again 😬😃.

When we arrive, i always install myself to watch a bit of Netflix and Jolien mostly to work on her computer. This time it was busy from the start, many peolple came in.

another thing i do to keep myself busy before i get sleepy, taking selfies 😃

I still walking around with this electrical machine on me that is connected with a sponge that they put in the hole in my breast and made it vacuum so it can suck, because of the abces that they removed 2 weeks ago. This machine helps me to heal faster from the abces because it happend during my radiotherapy and now i needed to put this on hold untill i am recovered from the abces. And that wound is healing to slow for me! The person from the woundcare department arrived in my room when we just arrived to. He is the one who putted the sponge because he is specialist in taking care of wounds. I need to see him 2 times a week to change the sponge and the tape that makes it vacuum.He didn’t warn me from the start when he gived me this system , that pulling out this sponge will be this painfull😅😬. And luckely he didn’t or i would be to scared. The sponge was growing in in the wound in hole in my breast already, so he pulled it out very fast ..awww even after it was still hurting for a while 😓. Than he had to put a new sponge again inside, what also didn’t feel really nice!😬.

But it is all worth the pain because he told me the result was great. The result we have with sponge would take 5 weeks with normal care (a nurse that comes 2 times a day cleaning the wound.) i think that is amazing and that is why we do it 😄. But after when i am back, i will not use this machine again because i have some exzeem from it , and need to take again some pills for that. Probably my body doesn’t accept the strange object (sponge) in my body.

He told me i can go to Prague with xmas and he will take of the machine and put something else for this 4 days. It will be an adventure to let a friend do my woundcare their and be working inside of my breast 😃. Strange new experiences. The men is very nice to help finding solutions so i can leave that periode, he things like me 😁, life is to short to wait..

When he left ,the nurse came to take blood , put my infuse and give my premedication that i get before immunotherapy against alergical reactions.

She gived cortisone, some product to protect my stomach trough the infuse and a needle in my butt with some medicin that makes me feel very sleepy and a bit strange for the rest of the day. Than i have to wait one hour to get the immunotherapy trough the infuse.

Inbetween the nurse also gived an injection in my belly that i get every 4 weeks to keep my bones strong. I had 4 of this injections the last months and this will be the last. Juijj some more medicin i can quit. Also because this is the last injection means i can stop taking some other pills i had to take that where connected with this injection.

I made some cakes for Jolien and the nurses , i had time to do this. I am sooo borrred of beiing home. And i love to hang out , meet people, drink cofee, but i am so ready to leave Belgium unfortunatly i am stuck here with this hole in my breast! It makes me feel frustrated i think. Normally when we go to the hospital i feel like talking to everyone and laugh but this is changing. I still like everyone a lot but i feel i have anger, anger on the situation. And it changes me as a person. It makes me less humble and happy. I am tired of all of this. It is getting my routine, i hate routine and for sure i hate this kind of routine!

On moments like that, the idea of stopping this treatment is coming into my head a lot. It is not only the treatment itself that is the problem. But that i need to come back for this every 3 weeks to Belgium, to the hospital and i decided not live here anymore. I think nothing of nobody could change my way of thinking and makes me want to start a life here. I found my hapiness a few years ago, and unfortunately it is not connected with being here. I know we can change, and the strange thing is i am a master in adapting to situations. Everywhere i go in the world i feel home after a few days, but in Belgium maybe to much things of my past making me run away and making it hard to start a life here. And i don’t need to stay, if it makes me happy to leave, i should just do that😉ass long as things are in our hands to decide why we shouldn’t make the choice that makes us happy? Life is to short to be kept a life, i want to live the life! So it botters me a bit i will need to come back every 3 weeks, and i am not sure it will be possible but i will try at least. Luckely i am surounded by nice people who will make it also more easy to come back for❤️.

Today is Wednesday, i always feel like very emotional , from very sad to extremly happy 😃 and nerveus the days after therapy. I can’t deal with myself than and i should do many things. Probably it is the cortisone, it is like a drug that makes your haert beat faster. Than i need someone to call to and complain or be angry on for a little , mostly it is my father 😬, but i always say sorry and explain i needed to be angry a little at the end of the phonecall😉, i know he can handle that❤️. When i will be better again i will start to go running again after therapy and cortisone, if it will give me this boost every time i will run well 😃.

Everything can work on my nervs for the moment, especialy the machine i have to cary that makes everything more complicated to do. Walking around, showering, packing my stuff in in boxes,.. it is all more complicated. I could trow it to the wall on this moment 😃, so i guess it is time to go outside and breath in some fresh air 😉. I promised my Brazilian friend who is studying in Ghent that, while he is in school, i will show his mother a bit around now she is visiting him in Ghent.

And it is good i did this, we had a great afternoon together and i did something with my ‘being nervous’. In fact i should be happy with this days i have some extra energy and make advantage of this to be very actif this days. Because sinds chemo my energy isn’t what i was before.

Another thing i have to think back off for the moment is what that chemo did with my brain. I am slow sometimes before reacting on something somebody said or i need some more time to think about things. Also i forget even more than i did! And i can’t do 2 things at the same time anymore like listening and being busy with something. But all this i am ok with because at the end it is me who has to live with ..me 😃, and i am sure if something wil be very important for somebody i will remember..i hope! I just noticed this the last days and i am sure it is connected with chemo or other things.

Another thing happening this week was, someone on the street who asked me if he could ask some questions. I sayed of course, because if i can help, i have time 😃. He started with this question: how healthy i think i am on a score from 1 to 10 😃😬? I didn’t see that one coming and i am a terrible lier. I gived myself a 2. Than he asked me why, what i could do better, maybe doing more sports, eat more healty…? And after that he told me i could do a free test to cheque my health haha that was to much and it was time for me to say i am sorry but that i am not the right person for this. He asked why and i told him i had health issues, this was a bit a strange moment and again a bit confrontating to me but if i was thinking back about the questions , at the end i did find it funny to.