I had a check up for my wound in my breast this week with my gynaecologe. Apperently it will need a longtime to heal. I have a hole in my breast from around 2 cm deep 😬. This is a place that needs time to heal and also i had radiations on that place before so that makes the process go even slower. Their goes my plan again.. i will probably never make it to Mexico the 7th of Januari.

I told my doctor i postponed Mexico but that i will go to Prague for Xmas. I decided to try to have a white xmas this year 😁. She told me i will not be finished yet with the woundcare that time. Oeps…but i booked my flight😉

I had a nurse coming 2 times a day to take care of the wound , they had to put something inside the wound every time with some desinfection product, gauze plugging of the wound (in dutch :een wiek in de wonde steken).This was before i started carying this machine around that replaces the woundcare. The machine is something electrical, it is connected with a wire to this sponge that is inside the wound in my breast and that sucks to make the process go faster. It is like vacum. With this i don’t need the nurses to come, only when the machine get some troubles. But a downside is that the machine is making noises and is quit havy to cary around. Also when the battery goes low i need to recharge it, plug it in somewhere and sit next to it because i can’t take it off as it is connected with the sponge in my breast. So it limits my freedom also, just like with the nurses i had to be home on time ever day.

My doctor sended me this week to this guys who are specialised in woundcare to find something to help the healingproces go faster because also my radiations are not finished yet and i shouldn’t wait to longue with that. I had to stop them because of the abces in my breast. They gived me this expensive machine to cary with the sponge. I have a little purse to put it in. But they told me, when i am tired of using it i can stop and just let the nurses come again 2 times a day, and let it heal naturel with the gauze plugging.

I will try to cary it as long as i can because i want this to be over soon so i can leave! But i am not sure if i will keep it longue, because when i go to sleep with the noise next to me of that machine, it reminds me that i am sick, also when i carry this i feel like someone who is sick and normally i always hide this. But with a machine like this next to me it is harder to me to ignore and hide😬. But we will see because untill now i had good times, even with the machine that i take with me, it doesn’t keep me home. Probably this is just the first days i need to get use to it. When i go to Prague they will take it of just for 3 days, and i will need to have the normal woundcare. A friend that will join will need to do my woundcare as i can’t take my nurse with me😉. This will be another advenure because i never looked how they do this because i am a bit scared to look to this hole. But i will need to look and make a little movie for him before leaving so he knows how to do this😃.

When they putted the sponge it didn’t give me any pain. Also when they put needles now it doesn’t hurt me quickly anymore. That abces was so painfull that it made me harder i think, that i can handle more pain without feeling actualy ‘pain’. 😉 Also because of al what happend this year i think. It all made me harder i guess, chemo, putting me asleep 4 times, radiotherapy, other therapys, all this little painfull side effect because of the therapys, all the needles, i can’t count anymore how much needles i got in my body…if i look back at all of this i think i didn’t came out that bad so far😃. But i would never do it all over again, at least not all of it!

Friday i had a day that i couldn’t handle well with problems around me, the weather was bad and i had a feeling many people felt sad, maybe it was me, feeling like that , normally i love to try to make people happy again if i feel they are not but that day i didn’t had energy for that. I wanted to keep myself happy. I was thinking that i was beter staying alone that day, i wanted to be alone but with people around me so i went drinking a glass alone 😁.

I met this woman in the bar and we drunk a glass or 2 together and talked a bit about life. She was a nice woman but again i was not alone anymore so after that i went back home.

Saturdaymorning was a sunny morning so i went taking a walk. I had enough ‘alone’ time and wanted to meet up that day. After i met up a bit with a friend. When he left i did a hang out with the couchsurfingapp because i felt like meeting some new people. I met a nice Belgian couple and a girl from Prague. We went to the xmas market together , i had a good time, xmasmarkets are so cosy😁. Again really nice people i met and we had good conversations. I always believe that everything happens for a reason, also meeting this people and i have a feeling we will meet back. I stayed untill my machine told me my battery was empty and it was time to go recharge again 😃. Also it started raining a lot and i didn’t want to get electrocuted 😉.