Today i am halfway with the radiotherapy. I am happy for that. I start to feel a bit lost being stuck for this but it only takes 30min a day, it gives me a lot of time to think. I have to say that i don’t really have side effects of this.
I just start seeing it on the skin where they put the radiations.
So i was able to keep doing many things. This week i did a few hang outs with friends to go drink coffee or get a lunch. I also have a new friend, who is studying in Belgium that i hanged out with these days. I toke time to go lunch to my family to. I should take advantage of these moments i feel good and that i am still here. Also i packed already a little bit to because i move out of my apartment next month. During packing, i found my certifications back to work on the boats also my diving book and some pictures. It felt like i was putting the past, that i liked so much literally in boxes together with some dreams. It was a double feeling.
But a new year is coming with new dreams and new plans (maybe not really because I don’t really have a plan) but that is my plan infect , a no plan plan, great 😃. Because i am sure some new plans and ideas will crossing my path when i start traveling. I start seeing more and more how traveling is my escape also for making to deep connections with people, because i love the people i am surrounded with for the moment, and i am not scared to keep meeting up and get good connections because i think that it is somewhere in my mind that i leave soon again.
Somewhere i wish sometimes i wasn’t like this because maybe at some point i will be to tired to move , change places, or maybe now after chemo it will be tiring doing this but I shouldn’t worry about that now because i can always try to change when it is time. Because we always change anyway, people change the whole time because of everything that happens around them. People change, plans change, situations change, and i think it is good to be open to this change and to not stay stuck on old plans and situations. Normally i am good in accepting this but with the cancer it is a bit different. I am still in the process of accepting i have cancer so i still didn’t accept it change my life. It does because i need to be in Belgium every 3 weeks for treatment and all these medicine change me as a person. Also it already changed me in the way that i even want to enjoy more life , what is a good thing. Also it can be a good thing that i putted my old dreams in boxes and that i am open again for new ones because who know what is coming.
But this don’t means I don’t have any anger anymore that i got sick. Because on moments like now for example, that i am laying in the couch because i need to rest, or after my immunotherapy if i feel different from the premedication, or because of other little things that remind me on the cancer, i still don’t always listen to my body and just keep busy, i think i do this because i am angry on the cancer and don’t want to give it a little place in my life.
From all the treatments and operations i had i don’t have that big issues for the moment. Also i take hormonpills now and i don’t think i feel a lot of this next to the hot flashes. Also i Just have a heavy pain in my breast, apparently this is because of the nerves , they start finding a way again because they were cut during surgery. But if i know were the feeling is coming from i feel much better already. And in the morning mostly i feel nautious , i don’t know were this is coming from but it is also ok because after breakfast i feel much better.
And now today, Friday, i got a hit from the hammer. I had my radiations at 8 this morning! So i spoiled myself with a good breakfast after, that compensates the early morning radiation 😉. I also saw the doctor today, once every week during radiations i have a visit with him to see how everything goes. I like him, he always take some time to see how i am doing mentally next to the physically things. I asked him if it is ok that i go iceskating because i love iceskating and i should do it before i go to the sun! He asked me if their is a thing I don’t want to do 😃, but he told me it is good i keep want to do many things, that this helps me dealing with the cancer. And i know this ,because i am not cancer , it is something i have, a new part of me that probably is a part of who i am now but only a little part 😉. And also It don’t only has to be a negative thing to have it, it is also an extra push to enjoy everything until the fullest. And i think this is a gift because some people forget sometimes to enjoy at the moment they do something, they just do it because it was planned.
I see more what is happening around me because i am not that busy. I also would not want to be that busy again, i rather take time to appreciate beautiful sunsets that are happing on these moments 😁😍. Another thing i notices that i am changed in is, I sometimes avoid busy meetups because i can’t be to long with to much people anymore, because i always talk a lot and i am excited but this takes a lot of energy and now i get tired more fast, so i avoid this sometimes and i like mkre than before being on my own.
Now i am home in the couch and time flies but my energy stays low and I can’t get out also i have to cold. After my busy week i guess i should just accept this, probably now i should listen to my body and stay home for a day. So i will enjoy my blanket and a good television serie for the rest of the day. Let’s see if i make it untill tomorrow to stay like this 😃.
I am happy, so far i enjoyed my week. I had some great hangouts, i am at the helft of radiotherapy, my hair is growing well, i already have this short cut👍, and some more nice moments are coming in weekend so i am stuck in the couch but happy stuck 😁.
This year is almost finished, it will be certainly another one to never forget! It started with my diagnose in Februari and end with the radiations, i can’t wait to start the new year with les hospitals and les treatments in it 👏! We all wish eachother a good healt for the new year and i always tried to find a better one. But now i realise that a good health is the best thing you could wish someone.
Also i finally decided where exactly i start my Mexican little trip and it am curious and exciting to go. If i had now another puppy with my in the couch to hug my day would be perfect 😃! But i learned that perfect doesn’t excist so i am already happy without.