And life continues

Tuesday i had the immunotherapy again in hospital at 8.30h, i was a bit scared to go because of the last time i went, 3 weeks ago. I got an injection in my butt that made me feel very strange. This time was better, i only got a half of the injection anymore together with cortisone and an another product that protect my stomach, these things i got trough my infuse.

After they gived me this premedication, i had to wait one hour to get the products of the immunotherapy trough the infuse. This takes another hour for the first product, cleaning the infuse, than another product 30 minutes. So we spended a half day or a bit more in the first hospital in Aalst. We, is Jolien and me. After we finished around 13h, we went to the hospital in Ghent to get my radiations, i was already very tired but this went fast, i was lucky that jolien brought me to both hospitals.

Also in Aalst the time went fast, because even I don’t like going to therapy, i do like seeing the nurses back. Also i know every time i go with Jolien to the hospital, something will happening. This time there was a photographer to make pictures for the hospital.

I am not sure but i think one of the reasons the nurses asked me if i also wanted to be on the pictures, is because i think they wanted to help to make my day a bit excited and another one was probably that i was their on that moment. Of course i said yes, the pictures were a good excuse to huge the sweet nurses. I have to admit i felt a bit strange on the moment of taking the pictures because i got the premedication before so also that injection in my butt, i got before the photographer was in my room. But it was fun doing this.

Also again we got chocolates of a nurse. ❀️ After all of this, we left, it was around 13h. Than we went to the hospital in Ghent where i got the radiotherapy. I was lucky Jolien brought me because i was already tired and could not imagine driving like this. For the radiotherapy i just have to lay under the machine that gives the radiations, i have to do nothing, the nurses put my body like it need to be so the radiations are always on the same place. They do this with the lines that they drawed on my body. Once i lay good, it goes fast, it takes maybe 15minutes because i have 3 places were they put the radio’s on.

What a day, their were nice and funny moments again but i was happy to sit down in my couch.

The day after, the cortisone was working, i feel this because my heart goes fast and i am a kind of nervous. I planned to stay home, but i was to awake for this so i went to a little concert in the evening. I was not sure if it is smart to drink wine on this but i did anyway, i started feeling this fast so I didn’t stay for to long as i know myself already and know that on that point, that i feel the alcohol, i better go home πŸ˜ƒ.

The day after i went drinking a coffee in the morning with the girl who wrote my article about cancer in the newspaper this month. She is very sweet and toke here dog, who is also very lovely. She talked already with many people who have/had cancer because she is a journalist, so i had a good conversation with her about this. She didn’t tell me this but trough the story’s and advice she gived me she made me see something: that when I don’t like something i always quiet and start something else, when it is raining somewhere, i just take an airplane to the sun to stay happy. And i was ok living like that, because it made my life easy, but i think it is weak of myself to go around mountains on my way instead of climbing to pass them. Also i always try to improve myself and make myself a better person so this time i think i should keep trying to get this treatment every 3 weeks and accept i have cancer, don’t run away and ignore. Maybe this time i also don’t have that much choice unless i want to die soon. Because i would regret this anyway at some point when i would have another tumor again that would give me a lot off pain. She told me everyone has his own way to live with it, like some go to a acupuncturist for example to reduce the feelings they have in their body because of treatments. I know that traveling will be my cure to live with this.

In the afternoon on 1 November i went with my friends in the city to take a lunch. We always have a lot of fun together because we have this book ‘bucketlist for friends’ and we always do something fun that is in this book. Sometimes it are redecules things but that is how we keep feeling youngπŸ˜‰. I already did a lot again since my last treatment on Tuesday, so i think that is why I didn’t feel to well at some point when we were walking.

We planned to go somewhere , and i wanted my friends to have a great afternoon , so I didn’t want to tell that i felt like this, also that is how i deal with it. I still don’t except i have cancer so i always try to ignore feelings i have in my body. But then i felt so strange i had to sit and we went drinking a coffee somewhere instead of going to walk more. This is another thing i will change, i know i need to tell people more honestly when I don’t feel well because i think they will like it more when i am not complaining but i realised this is wrong , because i also would like that my friend tell me when she don’t feel good. I will work on this πŸ˜‰. But i know i do this because I don’t want to destroy nice moments but also because sometimes, feelings i have or some pain somewhere, i can’t do anything about it so i prefer ignoring than start focusing on it.

Anyway next to this we had a great afternoon. On Friday i could sleep well again and i was getting less nervous again. But still i had a lot of energy in the weekend. On Saturday the sweetest handyman in the world came to my house. He past first on Wednesday because I called this company to help me with a rail to hang a curtain on, but the rail was not working so well. He didn’t like that and told me he would come back on Saturday with a new one. I told him i want to pay for this but he didn’t accept! He was so nice, i gived him a coffee Wednesday and told a bit about my life and my cancer. When he came back on Saturday he brought a cake and chocolates for me! Amazing! I told him he has such a good heart and he responded that his doctor told him that you can become a 100year with a good heart πŸ˜ƒ. I liked talking with him because we had a bit the same way of thinking. I felt my heart glowing because he is so nice to me and i wanted to give him so much back! I gived him a big hugh and sended him a card with our picture. I am sure he will love this because he showed me messages of people who thanked him for helping them. I loved seeing how happy he was with this messages, that things like this makes him happy. I love that always people like this crossing my path.

This is a thing that i learned in traveling. It is not only how people do against you but also how you treat other people. And i experienced that sometimes, here in Belgium, that line of trusting people is a but further than in other places. If somebody is so nice like this men, people would sometimes start thinking that he want something wrong or that, even he is so nice, you shouldn’t trust him. But I decided to not live like this, i trust many people and follow my feelings and i got some beautiful experiences with this. Don’t judge others because everyone is different , just let them ‘be’ and just treat the people like you want them to treat you, living like this makes the world a nice place to live to me 😁.

Friday i decided to take it easy but it was stronger than myself and i did a couchsurfing hangout anyway.

I take advantage of all the moments i have energy 😁.

The only enoying feeling i have these days is, a nautious feeling and that their is still a lot of water always coming out of my nose and eyes, this already longtime and these pills against allergies doesn’t help for this. Also when i do something it is harder to breath but i think these chemo killed many good things in my body and i need to give it time to recover. And the cold, i was already bad with cold but now it is even worser I can’t stand the cold and wear always a lot of clothes. I sometimes also feel some other things in my body but i know that when you have cancer and you focus yourself to much on what you feel, you can start feeling things that are maybe not real, it is in the head and it is crazy how much the mind can cheat in our body. So that is also why i ignore a lot of feelings, sometimes I don’t know anymore if they are real or not and than I don’t want to tell this to my doctor because the only thing she could do is give me some more medication against the pain or feeling and it is even maybe not real. It confuse me a lot when i think about this so I try to not do it. I prefer putting my energy in nicer thinks like the moments i share with people 😁.

On Saturday i felt a bit tired and i hanged out a bit with a friend to have some good conversations. I also feel lucky to have a friend like this.I am stuck already 9months in Belgium now because of treatments, i am used to meet many people but these last years I didn’t really meet up a lot with the same persons, always others, i have many friends but spread out over the world. I think i did this because the longer you know somebody the more pain you can have when you say goodbye. So i think this is a way to protecting myself, maybe because i lost my mother when i was 8 and i am scared to get this painful feeling again. But now i keep meeting up with the same persons to because i can’t go to far and actually i like it. Friendships become more and more valuable. I should not worry about this feeling, and enjoy the moments i have now.

This is also something i have with my buddy, she helped me passing this hard period and she became more than only my buddy. I feel lucky to have a friend like her. I had no choice because i wanted to do everything on my own but i think cancer is something impossible to beat on your own so i accepted help, i was thinking in the beginning that keeping distance would make my life easy again, but I realize that that is not true and that it is more easy like it is now. The mire you know eachother the mire easy actually , like when you know each other very well you even don’t always have to speak to say how you are feeling. We went taking a brunch on Sunday and talked a lot, it was a great start of the day.

In the afternoon i toke some time to catch up with my brother and his girlfriend, we went walking in nature. I think all people should sometimes take a break and go in the nature sometimes, because, for me, it relax me and gives energy.

Another girl that i met up with last week before the therapy is my carot ❀️. We know each other already for while now and i love to share moments with her, she is like a sister to me! She is another proof to me that investing time in the same friendships can be great!

For the moment everything goes very well, i have nice people around me, the sun is shinning, what do you want more 😁. Today, Monday, i got my 12th radiations, still 18 to go. I am excited to finish this part of treatments to.

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