Dear cancer,

You have to like me a lot that you try to take over my body. You tried already to put your marks on different places in my body like a dog pee to mark his territory. I was travelling and i was not paying to much attention on what you were doing, i ignored signs because the joy i had made it very easy to ignore. To be honest i prefer travelling alone so i came back to made an end to this and to fight to get my territory back. Before i didn’t believe in bad things or people but i guess i start changing my mind. You can’t just take over everything without i notice this you know! It started to be impossible to ignore what you were doing inside of me.

You are a tuff one, i had to do this the hard way with poison like herbicides to kill weeds in a garden and i even let people removing parts of me that you ‘peed on’ because your smell stays even after cleaning 😉.

At the end i punished myself a bit with this because of ignoring you in the past i have to do things now i can’t ignore. Things i am doing to my body to get it back. But you have to know i like my body a lot and in this i am selfish, i din’t want to share it, i need it, all of it. I think i will never have it totaly back, it is to late, i guess we better become friends if we have to stick together, but you always want more. People who analysed you, told me you wil probably keep trying to get some territory, they told me even you are agressive, and that i should be careful. I still can’t believe you are that bad. Because i always saw ‘good’ untill now. I wish you just left so i don’t have to think to keep protecting myself, so i don’t have to think if i want to do this or not. I was always a bit naive and i always see the good in things and people. So i am still not sure f i really have to protect myself, i prefer trying to become friends or if this doesn’t work out maybe i should just try to ignore you again but they told me you are just to gravy and that you will try to just take me over totally. I wish i knew you better so i knew how fast you are, but i don’t, because you don’t want to be friends. Than i could know how much time you need to take it over, and this would help me making choices. Help me decide if it is worth fighting.

Luckily i have people, who want to be my friend and give me love and positive energy to distract me now i can’t just travel anymore to ignore you. I am to tired and yes, we are still fighting. Whatever the solution will be at some point in this fight, this is not a competition for me and this is not about winning, it is about letting you in my life and accepting you.

Maybe, if i am strong enough, i will let you in but than i have to try to control you with giving you some drugs, if not i let you do what you planned to do and keep believing in the good things, because i want to continue being happy.

Grts

Valérie