It is Saturday now, a few days after surgery. The nurse is coming every day and i am doing my exercises, so everything is going like it should be. Monday i start kinesics therapy. I had already some visits home Thursday and Friday, today i went drinking something with a friend. Tomorrow i go eat something with my niece and my other friends are coming in the evening, so days are passing and i am enjoying so far while recovering.
I don’t like when the nurse is cleaning the wound, i have this feeling, like a tension and it is not painful but annoying , i also have it at the end of the day, it feels like a tension that i have also when i am doing some heavy exercise with my arm but this time I even move him. I know the best is to not focus on this because than i start thinking it will never go away anymore and also than i feel it more, so i always find distraction, but anyway i will do anything to have a normal arm again. Maybe i am already doing to much with my arm, because i walk around like nothing happens today with a bag on my back. I will need to ask this to my doctor Monday. Also when i touch my arm now, on the underside, it feels like paralyzed, a feeling like by dentist when your mouth is asleep for filling up hols. I compare it with this feeling, only it doesn’t leave after a few hours, it stays. I didn’t take any painkillers when i was just back home from hospital but now i started taking them to sleep. Because than i don’t have distraction anymore to not think about the feeling.
Monday i will ask my oncologist her opinion about my ideas. Of not continuing the immunotherapy and leaving after radiations. I don’t think she will find this a good idea of course but we will see. This because all i do know, all treatments is to try to remove the tumors i have as much as possible. They try to remove it all.
The therapy’s i would need to keep doing after, is to protect me to not having new ones, as my cancer is aggressive and I already had more than 1 tumor. But I don’t know exactly how dangerous it would be, hoe big the chance is, that i would have new ones soon. I also think that she will not answer this question because you never now before how fast somebody get’s a new tumor i think.
Today i was in the newspaper because their was an extra paper about breastcancer and a few weeks ago i got an interview for this.I hope to motivate people with the text to live their lives like they want it. I hope when they were reading this, they took time to think about things they still want to do and see, or toke time to think if they are happy how everything is now, i want this to be an example that anything can happen, always so that it is better to live the life also ‘now’ and not only doing everything for the future. Because today is the future from yesterday.
Today is Monday, the start of a new week. Same like all other days to me. I have to go to the hospital today to get my therapys. Because of that the nurse had to come early this morning, early for me means 7.30. Luckely it is another nice nurse that is coming to my house. So it is ok to wake up. She looks always like she is very busy, but still she takes time for me. Now i don’t work anymore i see other people working, and i really respect that, like nurses! They have to be human, take time for people and also nurse them. But at the same time they should keep going to finish all patients.
After hospital i need to go to the kine. It’s really finished again the tropical beaches , nature and forgetting about being sick. This night i also had a terrible night. I don’t know how this came. I woke up sweating and feeling very nautious. I looked if i had fever but i hadn’t. I guess the sweating is still because of the therapys or chemo. I am still in a kind of menopause i guess. The only thing i was worried about was my arm. I really don’t want it to get infectee or something because i don’t want to get this ‘fat arm’. But when the nurse was here we looked and my arm is doing great.
Yesterday, Sunday i had a great day. I got lunch with my cousine. We hanged out a bit, enjoying the good weather and in the evening my friends past by. Days like this makes me happy. Spending time with people i love, making new memories and having fun. Then i see that i don’t always need to go far to have good times. But still i couldn’t stay in Belgium forever😉. Next week someone will call me because i want to follow TEFL courses to become a teacher abroad, somewhere in third worldcountries. That is my new plan for the future :). I know i wil never work on boats. Also jobs where i wil need my both arms a lot are not good for the near future, so i came up with this and i can’t wait to start it. I hope i wil pass the courses.