Going back is hard

I am at the airport for the moment waiting to take my flight back to Belgium. I totally don’t feel ready for this. Today, on my last day, the cute boy from the home i stayed in, toke me to this little house somewhere in Havana, to a kind of doctor, or i don’t really know how to call it. This men told me many things that i think, can be true. He gived me a kind of box, but i need to do some research to understand what i have to do with it because it was not always easy to understand. The boy helped me translate sometimes but still… It was so nice he toke me to this man. He made me think again about my cancer. The man told me he also had cancer, lymphoma, and that he had another tumor in his nose that health itself, this was many years ago and he is still alive.

He didn’t do chemo or other medical treatments. He did something with a stone to me, and told me many things about myself that i think are true and also he told me that cancer is all because you have problems in the brain. I don’t know about mine, but i do believe that everything in our body is connected. It made me a bit scared because i felt like he touched some sensitive side of me. It was a very interesting experience and had nothing to do with money. I am open for many kind of treatments now, i can only win with it and have nothing to lose, i am sick anyway.

Also in my taxi to the airport, i talked a lot with my taxi driver, who was a woman. (I practiced my spanish a lot on this trip πŸ‘πŸ˜. )We where talking about food and she told me how to prepare some things. She started about living healthy, that she prefered buying everything fresh, but i guess in Cuba most of the things you can only buy fresh ad they are not imported, also the boy in the house told me he lives healthy and drunk a lot of green juices and prepared many vegetables. To be honest, i was a bit surprised i met so many people living healthy in Cuba because in my travel i didn’t really find a lot of vegetables in the restaurants. Fruits, a lot, the mango is amazing their! But to go back to our conversation, than i told her i also try to eat healthy because i have cancer and she was surprised. But also she told me it is all in the brain. She was so sweet and tried to help me to, by giving me many tips. Again i loved a lot how people are never , like shocked, they are not scared to talk about this or ask me questions about it when i tell this. When she dropped me of at the airport she gived me a big hug and i think i hugged her so hard back because, i was so grateful for the warmth i got this past 10 days of the people here and also i needed this hug because i was again a bit closer to ‘reality’. What means to me ,going to the hospital again many times.

I also realise now why i love Latin America or the latin culture so much. Everytime i meet people, they give me this feeling inside, grateful, warm, i can not really discribe it very well but it is a feeling i didn’t feel in my life before. And i think this is something i need in my life to be happy so that is why i am thinking of not staying in Europe. I feel i need this. I know there are many other things in Belgium that i am spoiled with, and could stay for, like our good healtcare, food, of course most important, my family and friends, but maybe at this point in my life i need that other thing also a lot, that feeling. And it os sad that i got cancer now that want to keep me in Belgium, it is a bit scary to go try to live without treatments. This men i met told me to live healty, take care of myself and love myself, also to not wory and let the past be what it is, that this will help a lot. I think for some people this sounds maybe unrealistic but even if it is, this don’t only sounds like a prescription to cure to me but also like a discription of hapiness. And that is what i want. So let’s see what the future will bring me and what i will finally decide.

I will do this operation , tuesday, anyway. Even i really don’t want. I feel good again and i don’t want to cut anymore in my body. This is already the 3th in a few months. I don’t want to recover anymore from things like this. I feel tired of being busy with al this things, but anyway, i shouldn’t complain to much because it will happen anyway and i will recover again.

luckely i have views like this, i can think how the water sounds, feels looks like 😍, when they put me asleep.

Something i want to share what i think is: life is more than about ‘ surviving’ or staying alive. It is about ‘ living’.

That is what makes me want to go again. And also i want to say that we all can choose how we live our life, maybe not all of it, but a certain direction, travelling our starting a family, stay home our go outside, doing something today or doing nothing, want everything to be perfect or not, ironing everything or just what you want, doing new things, keep doing same things ,…so i think it is important you keep chosing what you want, what gives your life more value. as far as it is possible.

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