This week on Monday and Tuesday, i am doing some new scans to see how everything is going. I am feeling with more energy already than last week. I don’t have my energy like before, but at least, i feel awake again for a few hours. I would prefer giving my energy to other things than going to the hospital but in one week i can do this🎉🎈. I think we are doing the scans just to check again that i will only need this one operation and no other ones anymore, but i am not totally sure about this. I will see when i meet my Gynaecoloog back next Monday. I didn’t see her for a while now. During chemo i only saw my oncologist, and the nurses of course. From the beginning when i got the news, i am having a whole team of specialists around me, a Gynaecoloog , oncologist, a radiologist, …
When i go to the hospital, i prefer having someone with me now, i thinks time goes faster and it is more fun.
But i learned during this period, that this is not about being independent, i accept already more help and i also ask already more help. Because it just makes things a bit les hard. It is less heavy to cary something with more persons. And why make things more hard if you can make them more easy. I always liked the easy life😁.
It is the end of the week now, i had quiet a lot of energy these last days. I went visiting my sister in law by car on Wednesday. I didn’t drive the car already longtime anymore. I was to tired and confused during chemo, it gived me a good feeling to deive again. A feeling that i can still go where i want when i want. In the evening i went eating something with a friend and also drinking something afterwards, so i did many things without feeling to tired. I am happy about that.
These days i try to invest my energy in friends i already have. Because i realised i always meet new people trough couchsurfing. I like this but it asks energy. And i didn’t had/have to much for the moment, so i started to meet up more with the people i alreade have around me, because infact i am already surounded by so many lovely people 😍. I feel lucky about this. I keep getting so much support trough postcards, messages, phonecalls,.. it is amazing.
If i look back already to the last months, since i am sick, i notice that i changed. Before i was happy when i hikke a mountain, when i swim in a waterfall, when i am on a beautiful beach watching a sunset,.. it still makes me happy of course. But now i can have the same feeling also when i go drink a coffee with friends, when I sit outside with the sun on my face, when i take a hot shower. I think this is great to have this feeling that makes me smile from easy things like this. I was very energetic before but now i couldn’t so i had to take it easy and change my mindset to pass this period.
Thursday i met up with 2 other amazing people in my life. In the evening i was invited by my old housemates, who cooked for me. I was great to see them back to, they are also supersweet. I stayed in this house when i just came back to Belgium and when i just started everything. Many new stories, when we met back, it makes me see how busy we all are doing our lifes, all in a totaly different way.
On Friday i promised myself to take it easy, but this was not possible because i had to go to some places with papers so i biked the whole day from one place to another. I felt i had some pain at my haert or longs or something, so i was happy after finishing all this. But also it felt good that i could do all of this and do some movement. This will stay something hard to do, listening to my body. Because on one side you need to rest so your body can recover but also you need to move a bit because from staying in your couch you get only more tired. It stays hard to find a line in this but i guess whatever works for me is good. I think i can trust myself in this. Tonight will be a relaxing one, i have another friend who comes to sleep over at my place and we will have a movienight. Also next coming days i have some nice things coming with friends.
More very nice things to come ! After getting my treatments that i get every 3 weeks, immunotherapy and anti-hormontherapy, I am ready to leave and try to forget ass much as posible for 10 days that i am sick. I will go get new energy before getting operated again. I hope i wil find the line between doing things and relaxing because if i travel i am very excited 😁. Anyway it will be great.
Yesterday, Saturday, i was still with energy, already a few days in a row now, it makes me feel so happy. But i know i will still get a rebound from this at some point, it is just to good to be true. I have to admit that i started to feel dizzy at some point when i was in the city, but i then i sat down for a minute and it was better very fast. Moments like that make me start thinking if i am not doing to much again, and i try to listen to this signs so after that i went home and relaxed. But before going home i really enjoyed my day. I notice, now i have more time, i see much more what is happening around me, i passed this photo exposition and took time to take a look, talked to some people while looking the pictures, i enjoy being open for new things and new people. When i have back my energy i feel that i want to do things back for people who gived their energy to me, or also people who could use it, people that i don’t know.
i think when i get better i need to do some volunturywork again because i have so much love to share ❤️. I want people to feel as happy as i do sometimes.
Monday i will have results fron the tests, even i am almost sure their will be nothing new, i am still starting to think about it because they will also give the new date for my next operation. All this together with the therapys so Monday will be a hospitalday again, but the last for a while.