Never thought i would celebrate i day like this, having my last chemo. I will need to keep going to the hospital because i will keep getting this 2 other therapys. But i finished the ‘poison ‘. Finished putting more and more, feeling more and more side effects, time to let my body recover.
I like celebrating things, like many people, and every nice moment is a nice oportunity to celebrate something i think. So this looked difinitly a good moment to celebrate and it looked like my buddy, jolien had the same idea😁. She was my partybuddy that day and i could not have a better one! She is a big part of making this party working! No room full of people, no alcohol, no discolights, but some sugary snacks, colourfull decoration and most important, great company, made this party. We both bought decoration to hang up in hospital. She picked me up in the morning and had this cute balloon and flowers for me. I woke up a bit bad but this mood changed very fast thanks to her. When we arrived in hospital we decorate the room, i had a breakfast for us with me and i baked some coockies for the nurses. Even it was a chemoday, time flew, and i had a lot of fun. I also enjoyed, seeing a smile on everyone’s face that came into the room. It made me realise, we should feel more like celebrating moments in life. It gives a good feeling and makes people happy.
I felt very, very spoiled yesterday, it felt sometimes like i don’t deserve that because i just finished something i have to do to survive i guess. But i didn’t focus to much on this thoughts and enjoyed the day as much as i could. I toke this cortisonepills the day before to not feel sick when getting chemo so i had to enjoy, the energy the pills gived me, because this don’t last more than a day or 2. I got many presents that day. Also the nurses in hospital managed to all find time to come together in my room for a picture inbetween their busy job, what was very sweet. Again i realised how lucky i am getting treatments in this hospital, where i am surround by this great crew, my partycrew 😃. The infuse,needle for chemo, went in my vain immediately, i had enough bloocells to get the chemo, everything went very smood and was finished before i knew it. My brother his girlfriend picked me up, with some more presents 😁, and we continued the party, in my couch 😃. In the evening i went celebrating with my family and got some more presents! Lucky me!
But i have to tell you even i was so exited that day, and got like energy of all people around me. I also fellt tired, and strange, i enjoyed a lot but i had this moments that i felt like, when i looked at people, i see everything happening more slower, and i need some more time to react. Moments that my eyes hurted because they are dry, and because my body is tired after this 12 chemosessions i got the last months. But i tried to not focus on that this day and ignore it, make it up the day after by taking it easy and resting. I am happy it is over, but infact it isn’t totally finished. The chemoproduct is still in my body and many things happend with my body last months, so i need time now to recover from that. I will still have this moments i feel like hanging in my couch, i think i will have them even more than before, because now my body already got to handle a lot, but when i have no energy i will try to keep listening to my body so i can recover well, it is not always easy to listen to myself on this moments like i like being busy. I also hope people around me will keep understanding, when i have this moments i can not give to much energy and when i tell them i need some rest.
I have already some scans again next week, Monday and Tuesday. The week after that on Monday, i need to go to my gynaecologue, to get the results of this and to get the date for my next operation. That same day i will also get my 2 other therapys again before leaving on holliday, that Wednesday.
I have this positive way of thinking but to be honest ,the day before getting my last chemo, i felt a bit nervous. I am happy this is over, but also it makes me realise again i am sick. That this is one thing i finished. It is not like that that i can go now , leave, living my dream, live like before again. I finished part one, or maybe part 2 like i had already operations before. Now i can start part 3, months are passing by, and i have to keep spending my time on getting better from this stupid cancer. It is really something that comes on your way and blockes the road, and you have to use al what you have, all your energy, to try to remove this obstacle. Also you have to excepte help people around you offers to remove this, because i think, it is to heavy to remove it alone.
I always thought: ‘it is ok, i got this’, ‘ i can handle everything alone and i don’t need help ‘, ‘i will do this alone again’, i couldn’t do this alone, i learned to except help because this is to havy to cary alone.
It will take some time, but i hope i can clear that road and drive again my direction, my path. But i have to say even i am blocked now, i had already some nice experiences on this side to!
Today it is Thursday, 2 days after chemo. I woke up sooo tired. Today i am planning to do nothing. I mean to stay home.
Yesterday i was already tired, i just went outside to meet a friend and drink a coffee for an hour or 2. And i am glad i did. Sometimes i think it is good to push myself to go out , because, even preparing myself, showering asks so much efford, but at least i did something, i had some nice concersations. So i think it was not that good for my body but it was for my mind.
But i know i should feel ok with staying home a day or 2 to because, today i just can’t do anything, i am so tired that my brain even don’t work properly anymore. I feel like writing this is asking already a lot of me . I should listen to this signs. So i wil enjoy looking some documentaries about beautiful places in the world and dream away for a bit 😁.