Staying positive against tiredness

Before i used a lot ‘couchsurfing’ , it is a bit like air benb but you don’t pay because it is more about meeting people and helping each other out. You let people,mostly travelling people, stay in your house and when you travel you can put your trip on the app and people can invite you to stay at their house, or you can ask, i love it! For the moment i don’t let people stay at my house, because if i let them come, i like to give thim a lot of my time, i like to show the people around and have a lot of interaction but i don’t have always energy for that now. A few days ago i wrote someone that i could met him and spend some time but that i dont’t host people now.Before yesterday i was hanging in my couch, thinking again about that i have to live with this stupid sickness forever, and that i will never be as before anymore. I remembered i promised to meet this guy, so i pushed myself to go outside meet him, he is from the US. We talked a lot, i told a bit my life story and the situation i am in now. He was listening and thinking, when i asked what he was thinking he started telling me the story about his mother who has a neurological sickness, MS, it is a disease that shut down some parts of the neurological system, like you can lose your sight in one time or the feeling in your legs,… She lives with it already 20years, also try to controlles it a bit with medication, she is enjoying her life till the maximum, she will come travelling, started driving a jetskie,… when i heard that i thought it is amazing, and that she is a very strong woman! It gived me more energy again and made me realise, that i should be happy to be a life to.It is hard to find a place to stay in Ghent now with a festival so I decided to help the guy anyway with a place for the night, because i love doing couchsurfing and i think i should not let that cancer let me make stop doing what i like. If i need some space or i want to sleep i can just do that, wherever their are people around or not, i am sure that they understand it. So i always think everything happens for a reason and this again was the right person on the right moment, that even if i feel tired i should not always hang in the couch, or i don’t have this experiences, also it showed me again how people gives me energy!It is also always very interesting to know that everyone around you has a story, the older they are the longer the story is. And whoever his story it is , whatever their is written in it, their are always some sad chapters and some happy ones.I hosted the guy from couchsurfing and invited another friend for dinner.People gives me energy in a certain way but i also like to give a lot back.I hope this article makes other people also stop for a minute being busy, and remember them to enjoy life sometimes 😁.Today the day after the dinner, i am pretty tired, it is like everything i do is 3 times more exhausting . Because i can’t leave Belgium now, i try to do many things to be happy here. I decided to put some plants, some green, on my terrace, i went buying some today with my very sweet buddy! It looks very cosy now, i think i live in a nice place in a nice part of town, with everything ‘i should need’, and i enjoy, But on the other side when i finished putting the plants and i relaxed again i was thinking that it is nice here but that this is not totally living my dream, i need other things, experiences, adventure, the traveller that stayed at my place also reminded me a bit on that. Like this, without energy i would be very exhausting to leave so harder to enjoy. So i still hope one day i will have my energy back or at least some,to just go and explore again. And i am almost sure i will one day, with or without further treatments to protect me, i will go! I just have to be patient and dream already a bit because i can not make plans yet, because i first need another operation and radiation. Being patient, is not one of my strenght😬If i read this article i also notice of myself i am really battling sometimes with my feelings, with the ‘staying positive’ and the ‘being sick part’. Especially when i am tired like now it is a bit harder to see everything positive, but i still do, mostly.

Also i try to keep smiling and i am sure i can hide very well i am sick, people expect sometimes , that i would look different before we see eachother back, more sick, but i am very good in hidding things i guess, i can hide a lot after my smile to sometimes, that can be a good thing but sometimes i think i am not honest about my feelings and try to stay like before, what also can be tiring. A reason why i don’t always like to show, and hide it, is because i didn’t except it myself yet. i keep trying to ignore and fight against it. .I feel grateful to because the organisation that supports woman with breastcancer, ‘think pink’ offers me a balloon flight for 2 persons and the other organisation in Belgium that supports people with cancer, ‘kom op tegen kanker’ , offers a free 4 days at the beach in a hotel with everything included and a wellness. I think it is very sweet of them, some nice things to look forward to that i can do now, or at least soon.

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