What still have to come

The doctors made me a treatment to help me as much as they can. Witch i am very thankful for.

But in the beginning they told me what would come: they told me after the operation in my neck we would start chemo. Than we would do another operation and radiations.

Also because my cancer is hormone sensitive they would give me a treatment every 3 weeks together with another product witch would be for the rest of my life. And a scan from my heart, also every 3 months. So never be free of hospitals again!😬

It felt like all of this was decide for me after beeing free for so long! I was like on a train but it felt like i was pushed on it. Nobody did, but that is how it felt for me. So at one point i told the doctors that i felt a bit strange nobody asked me if i wanted to do all of this. Because i am young , it was like normal i do al of this because i still have ‘a long life’ before me. So i asked what happens if i don’t do all of this. Do i live maybe still many years or do i die within the next coming years?

They told me i will die soon because the cancer got already trough my blood to my neck, and probably if another tumor start growing i will have a paintfull rest of my life, so hard to make the best out of it. I was happy to hear this because now it feels like i decided myself to start chemo.

The hardest part is, that they will never dare to tell me i am cured because they will never dare to stop treatments. The good part is that i can have the treatments in any hospital in Europe. So i don’t need to stay in Belgium. But if i do think about what i want , i really would love to go live again in Asia, or maybe South America so we will see what happens. Because keeping myself a life here and be unhappy or go live and maybe have a shorter but happy life, i don’t know what you prefer?

But i will give it a chance and try to have a happy life around here. Or maybe one day they can help me get the treatments in other place. Medical treatments advance so fast , they always discover new treatments. I realise i don’t have to plan things like that now. But that does not mean i don’t think about it.

I also forgot to tell that they took blood to do a genetic test and i will have the results in August. When the cancer is on 3 generations they say it can have a heriditary taint.

My mother died when she was 32, so we dont know if she had it but my grandmother also had breastcancer. So we will see how the results will be. If it is hereditary they advice to remove both breasts for precaution.

I still have both now, they did a breast-conserving operation when they removed my tumor. I am also not sure yet if i would remove both! Even they can make good constuctions now, i heard people still can have it after removing.

But i dont have to think about this decision because probably that is not necessary. Only with 5% of the woman with breastcancer is it hereditary.

Sometimes i realise it is just strange, before all of this happend i was busy deciding witch country i would go next or what i wanted to see or experience next. Maybe now i was busy to experience working on boats maybe. But instead i have to think about : if i maybe ever want to have children or witch neurologue i should take to remove my tumor 🤔.

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